What Kind of Man
by Fossarian
Summary: Bella begins to have doubts on her wedding day and the only person willing to help her is the last one she expects.
1. Chapter 1

'Cold feet,' they called it. Bella looked down at her toes crammed into too-small high heels. Who was this person, five inches taller than she ought to be, painted beyond all recognition, dressed in a wedding gown like the most expensive goody-bag at a party? It was a joke for anyone who really knew her.

Bella couldn't help her surprise when she got a look at herself in a mirror. She looked ridiculous! Alice had taken to her with all the expertise of a Hollywood makeup artist. Eye shadow, lipstick, nail polish, the works; though Bella had put her foot down on the fake eyelashes. Edward would simply have to do with staring at her plain little human hairs for a while longer.

Bella sighed. This was her first moment alone in days. The women fussing around her had been bad enough, but then she had had to endure Jake's hurt silence and Emmett's teasing and her dad's awkward attempts at paternal affection, rivaled only by Bella's equally uncomfortable motions to return it. Renée was predictably useless and the room gave a collective sigh of relief when Phil tactfully suggested she help the florists with the arrangements.

Her surrogate vampire family showed little similar consideration for Bella's nerves. The morning had been a continuous revolving door of Rosalie and Alice, poking at her, clicking their tongues and shaking their heads, and making vague comments about the wedding night that Bella only half understood.

Due to some mysterious kindness of fate, Rosalie and Alice had both been called away to attend to some detail of the wedding and left Bella in the room alone. _Now's my chance!_ Bella thought, jesting to herself. But then she wondered why she would have chosen _that_ particular bad joke and felt guilty and a little uneasy. Surely it was common to have doubts?

Surely it was. _But at this late stage?_ At her own question, Bella looked away from the mirror and at her feet again. She wanted to ask someone, but the idea was impossible. She couldn't ask Rosalie or Alice or Esme, all of whom had found their true loves, and seemed so confident in their world and with their men that Bella shrank at the look that would come across their faces if Bella suggested feeling anything contrary with Edward.

Things just seemed so _easy_ for them. Beyond their vampiric gifts, their wealth and refined manners, Bella sensed that something deeper separated them from her. Nothing so simple as predator versus prey. Whatever struggles they had been through - and life had certainly thrown them their fair share - they had come out on the other side whole. They had _found_ their other half, and that completion of their inner self gave them a peace and generosity that they wished all to share.

Bella did not know if Charlie and Renée had experienced something similar. It seemed impossible that that sort of love could wither on the vine the way it had with them. At least, it had with Bella's mother. Bella loved her mother but cherished no delusions about her. Renée was flighty where Charlie was stalwart. Even the words inspired contrasting images in Bella's mind. Renée was something airy and intangible, Charlie a solid oak stump. Bella, who knew very well she took after her father in looks as well as temper, did not like this sudden Renée-like desire to escape.

 _I just need air,_ she thought. _I need to breathe for a second._ She took a few hobbling steps to the door. Alice had made her practice walking in heels with all the discipline of a Soviet ballet instructor and Bella had begun to think she might actually make it down the aisle without falling flat on her face. But the carpet in this room was plush and impossible to walk on in stilettos by anyone but professionals.

Fearing she had only seconds to make her escape, Bella tore the shoes off her feet and padded rapidly towards the door. Her toes curled pleasantly in the thick carpet and she had to force herself not to stop and enjoy it. She hooked her thumb and forefinger around the back of her dress the way Rosalie had taught her and poked her head out the door. The coast looked clear. Faintly, the melodious notes of Chopin wafted to her ears from the chapel.

A lump rose to Bella's throat and for a few terrifying seconds she thought she might be sick. Edward must be somewhere but Bella couldn't think about that right now. Besides, it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. All the more reason to make sure no one caught her.

Bella pushed the door open and hurried across the entrance room, her head ducked down. Artfully disarrayed tendrils of hair stuck to the back of her neck as she began to sweat. Alice would scold her for that.

There was a door to her left that she knew led to an outer courtyard. When she had first seen it Bella had thought she and Edward could walk there after the wedding, but now the idea of being alone with him was the last thing she wanted.

What was wrong with her? This was what she wanted! Well, okay, maybe not exactly. Edward perhaps wanted the wedding more than Bella, but only slightly. Bella wanted to share her life with him, and wasn't that the same thing? Except, in Bella's mind that life was shared as a vampire, herself. But she _would_ become that. Edward had promised, contingent on her becoming his wife. Bella would see this through.

 _Yes, but_ , began that voice in the back of her mind, _should you really have to make_ deals _with the man you love to get what you want?_

 _It's a compromise,_ Bella told herself. _People make compromises all the time!_

But inside Bella knew something was not right. She wanted life everlasting with Edward, not 'until death do us part.'

She scurried across the courtyard and ducked behind the shrubbery. She closed her eyes and tried to still her breathing. Mulch and sharp pebbles dug into the soles of her feet. Alice would kill her if she got this dress dirty. And how would it look if she walked down the aisle with twigs in her hair?

The laughter she heard accompanying this thought made her think she was losing her mind. To her somewhat brief confidence she realized it wasn't hers. The voice was male, hauntingly pleasant to the ear, and made goosebumps rise on Bella's skin. She snapped her eyes open.

Jasper Hale was standing above her, leaning on the shrubbery and looking down at her with such benign indifference that Bella almost wept with relief. Jasper! If anyone was to her find her this way she was glad it was him. Jasper, of all the Cullens, cared for her the least.

Not, Bella sensed, that he _dis_ liked her. Rather, he simply did not have an opinion on her one way or another. Having never experienced any overt animosity from him - apart, of course, from the accident at Bella's birthday party, which to her mind hardly counted given it wasn't Jasper's fault - she had also received no great amount of attention from him. Thus, Bella had patterned her conduct on Jasper's and basically ignored him.

She did not know herself what she thought about the other vampire. He was different than the others. Some things about him reminded her of Edward, but then whenever Bella made a real attempt to compare the two she always ended up noting their differences instead. They were both quiet, both intense. There was a darkness in them both that Bella only peripherally saw.

Yet, Edward worked so hard to make sure she did not really know him, whereas Jasper did not seem to care. He didn't seem crippled by his past actions, or awash with guilt and all the blood that wouldn't wash off. It was more like… no one had bothered to ask him. No one wanted to know.

Like all the men Jasper was dressed in a tuxedo, a red rose in his breast pocket. He looked more put together than usual, but his hair was as crazy as ever and for a second Bella was distracted with feminine concerns about his appearance. Alice really ought to have spent less time fretting over Bella's morning cowlicks and a little more time taking care of Jasper, who, vampire or not, was still a man and could hardly be expected to care if he looked like an escapee from the local insane asylum.

Though, if Bella were honest, she probably would not have attempted to tame his hair down, either. Jasper was not the sort who took well to taming. Maybe that was why his presence in the Cullen household always made Bella feel uncomfortable. He was too close to the edge, too fresh from the battlefield and dark alleys with people no one reported missing.

"Hello," Bella tried to sound casual but it came out a pathetic whisper.

Jasper quirked one eyebrow, his lips never slipping from the pleasant, distant smile that he was so seldom without. For the first time Bella saw things clearly and as she stared up at him she thought how unutterably _considerate_ it was of Jasper to wear the masks he did. All day, everyday. Not just for Bella, but for the entire family, for anyone who, for even the slightest moment, might be uncomfortable in his presence. Jasper was always so proper, so calm and still and smiling; it was so easy to forget he was there at all.

Bella swallowed, her heart hammering against her breastbone. She knew Jasper could hear it and hoped he would take it as more human weakness.

"I'm just, um, getting some air," Bella said.

Jasper nodded, not looking particularly curious, and Bella realized she probably could have gotten away with not giving an explanation at all. Bella frowned and slowly straightened from her crouched position behind the shrub. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and she saw now she had not succeeded in traipsing through the shrubbery unscathed. There was a small tear near the hem, imperceptible to most human eyes perhaps, but not to any vampire's. And most of the attendants were vampires.

Bella's eyes began to sting and she blinked rapidly in horror. Not here! Not in front of Jasper, of all people.

"I should go back inside," she gasped.

"There's still time," Jasper said, "if you want to catch your breath."

His voice was so soft and kind, it was nearly Bella's undoing. She had to jam her palm against her mouth to stop the well of cries rising from her throat. She crouched back down and sat on her heels in defeat.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what's wrong with me today. I - I think didn't sleep well last night."

She stared at Jasper's feet, trying not to hyperventilate like the trapped animal she was. After a moment he crouched down beside her.

He was no longer smiling and there was an unfamiliar look of focus in his yellow eyes. _He looks tired,_ Bella thought in a sudden U-turn of emotion. _I'm tired, too. What's wrong with us?_ She did not feel sad, or scared, she felt _trapped._ All she wanted, suddenly, was for someone to make the world big again. The way Edward had made her feel when she had first met him, had first typed the word 'vampire' into her computer search engine.

Jasper had never been this close to her except during her birthday party, when he had tried to kill her. Bella knew she ought to feel afraid, but she was not afraid of Jasper for the reasons that made sense. The things that scared her about Jasper were more confusing than that, the sort of fears she harbored within herself.

A sense of calm began to settle on her. She lifted her eyes to Jasper. "Are you doing that?"

He nodded. "Is that okay?"

"I -" Surprised to be asked, she considered the question first before answering immediately in the affirmative. Jasper's ability to manipulate emotions at will had always struck her as more than vaguely sinister. It was a murkier art than Edward's telepathic abilities, which was really no art at all but glorified eavesdropping. Jasper could literally make her _feel_ anything. If he wanted to, he could make her feel so hungry that she would eat raw meat. Or so depressed that she jumped off the church tower. But Jasper didn't look to be in the mood.

"It's okay," she said. "Thank you."

Jasper shrugged off her gratitude. "It's no work for me. You're easy to switch."

Bella tried not to get offended at that. "Because I'm human?" she said. "Or because it's me?" She was genuinely curious. A source of unending frustration for Edward was Bella's immunity to his telepathy. Why was she not also immune to Jasper?

"I don't know," Jasper said in a slow musing voice, as if he had given the matter some thought himself. He started to say something else and then stopped.

"What?" Bella prompted. Her heart, which had begun to calm, began to race again as she took note of the fact she was actually having a conversation with Jasper Hale. There was something exciting about this man and his secrets, and Bella had to admit grimly that she was no different from any other girl in that respect.

Jasper glanced down and picked up a handful of mulch, fiddling it between his fingers. Bella watched as it gradually turned to a fine sawdust.

"It's nothing," he said, and that smile was back.

Bella's heart sank a little, but she knew she had no right to feel disappointed. Jasper had no reason to share secrets with her.

"Well," Bella said, not ready to go back inside yet, "I am glad it's easy for you. I hope when I'm turned I don't get powers like yours." Realizing she sounded a bit tactless, she hastened to explain, "I - I just mean, I don't think it'd be as easy for me. I don't know how you do it. How do you know what you're feeling is real?"

"I don't."

Something in Jasper's voice was off and Bella looked up, her brow knitting in concern. Jasper wasn't looking at her, though, and so Bella was left to flounder in the dark and make her own conclusions. She did not know what Jasper meant but she did know one thing.

"That's terrible," she whispered. "Have you told Alice?"

Jasper snorted. "I don't know why I told _you._ "

"Is that why it's easy?" Bella said. "You don't - you don't feel anything of your own?" Suddenly Bella felt very guilty for every flitting human experience of surprise, anger, fear, and sadness she had ever had in front of Jasper. And yet… wouldn't it also be rather _nice_ not to have these feelings? How much clearer Jasper must see the world.

"Can you, Jasper, can you make people fall in love? Can you make people fall in love with you?"

Jasper's expression was unreadable to Bella. He simply stared at her. "If I wanted to," he said. "Or the nearest facsimile."

"Have you ever done it?"

Something in her face must have given her away because Jasper's mask slipped enough for Bella to see the question had upset him. Guilt poured into her and she had no idea if it was her own or Jasper's.

"I've made people do a lot of things," Jasper said. "I don't know what you mean by love. You're a little girl."

"I mean love!" Bella almost shouted. Flushing at her outburst she pressed her fingers against her lips and said, "Sorry."

"It's okay," Jasper said, and he sounded like he really meant it. Like Bella could scream at him until they called her back inside and it would all be just as it was before, no better or worse. Jasper would always be there, somewhere nearby but never too close. It made Bella so unspeakably sad that she lost all thought of her own troubles.

"I mean," she said, "like the love you and Alice have.

"And what is that?"

She frowned, wondering why Jasper was being obtuse. Was he teasing her? He didn't look like it. Jasper wasn't Emmett. He wasn't even Edward. There was so much in him that had happened that he almost seemed to Bella another creature entirely. Alien to them all. In many ways Bella thought of him as older than the other Cullens, even Carlisle, but in so many other ways he seemed so young. There was so little that he did not know, so much of the basics of normal affection and companionship that had been twisted and used against him. Jasper did not even seem to know that he should be upset for all that unfairness.

Bella could smell Jasper, he was so close. No cologne. She imagined it irritated sensitive vampire noses, but he was not without his own scent. There was nothing specific about it, but it made her feel as though she were remembering something she had forgotten for a long time. Even without him calming her, she felt better for his nearness.

"Aren't you wondering what I'm doing out here?" she said.

"I think that's obvious."

She flinched, but his voice was without reproach. For a few moments they were silent, lost in their own thoughts. The organist inside had changed from Chopin to Mozart.

"I shouldn't have asked you all those questions," Bella said. "They're rude questions, aren't they?"

"I don't mind," Jasper said.

Which did not mean she had not been rude. Bella sighed. What she felt now had to be all her, it was too messed up.

"I'm scared to get married," she said, finally voicing what she knew to be an inevitable conclusion of Edward's manipulation. "I don't want to do it. At least, not right now."

"Why then, darlin', don't."

"Just like that?" Bella paled at the idea of walking back inside and facing all of that disappointment. Her vampire family would disown her. Edward would be crushed. Rosalie would be smug. Everyone would hate her and she would never get to be immortal.

"If Edward loves you, he'll wait."

"Does he?" she asked. "You can tell, right? Does he?"

"I can't tell, Bella."

Bella opened her mouth to argue with him, but stopped as she recalled Jasper's words. _I don't know what you mean by love._

Jasper wasn't lying to her.

"Will you walk me back inside?" Bella said. She was afraid to be alone with her thoughts and could use Jasper's calmness.

"I'll do anything you want," he said. He stood up and stretched down his hand to her, pulling her to her feet. "I'm serious. It's my gift to you."

Bella laughed nervously. "'Anything' is a dangerous word, didn't anyone ever tell you that?"

"Once or twice."

Jasper's cool hand lingered over hers, moving it to wrap around his arm. He started walking back towards the church and with each step Bella's anxiety grew like a sprout inside of her, threatening to become a tree.

"Can you make me want to get married?"

"I can," Jasper said. He said no more but the weight of his silent acquiescence, forcing her to confront her own morals, bore down on Bella until she could hardly stand it. She squeezed her fingers into his arm, wondering if he could even feel it.

Disturbed by the concept that so momentous an emotion as love, the stuff of legends, could be so blithely bestowed or taken away by this man, Bella wondered if Jasper ever worried about the moral ethics of his behavior. Probably not. Jasper seemed to go out of his way not to think about much of anything.

"I don't want you to," Bella sighed. No; what she wanted really was to be taken away, for all of this just not to have happened. She wanted to be back in her PJs sipping jasmine tea in bed. What were people thinking of, her a bride? A _wife_?

"I suppose back in your time people got married at my age a lot, huh?"

"Sometimes," Jasper said.

"I'd probably be considered a spinster by now!"

"I wouldn't go that far."

Bella slowed her steps as they approached the doors and Jasper modified his stride accordingly. "Were you ever married, before?"

She did not know why she wanted to know, other than the idea of being alone in this was too much; she needed to hear that it happened to other people, this sense of her life ending.

Jasper was somewhat older when he had been turned, so it stood to reason he might have had a sweetheart, or two, back then. Jasper was attractive, of course. It seemed to be a prerequisite to vampirism. But beyond the superficiality of his appearance Bella found his company pleasant for its own sake. If Edward was a wildfire, rushing through her and burning her from the inside out, Jasper was the stillness of afterwards.

Jasper took longer than Bella expected to answer; she had assumed it to be a simple 'yes' or 'no' sort of query.

"Marriage wasn't on my mind much," he said finally. "Before or after."

Bella supposed that was true of most guys, regardless of the century. Except Edward's, apparently.

"I ran away," he said, the unsolicited information surprising Bella. "To join the Army. A lot of boys did it back then." He shrugged under her hand. "I don't know why. I guess I thought it was something to do."

Bella could see Jasper back then, a long-limbed, sleepy-eyed second son, very rich and with nothing to tax his brain or body. The War had probably seemed like just the thing to make his own fortune in the world. And then he got turned. Bella only knew minimal details, and all of them from someone other than Jasper. It did not seem right that the rest of the family should have told her details about Jasper's life, and not Jasper himself.

But that was simply how it was in this family. People tended to talk _about_ Jasper, not to him. While Bella had no doubt they loved him, she did sometimes wonder what would have happened had Jasper actually gotten to her at that party. Was it really right, or even logical, to punish a vampire for acting like a vampire?

"You're doing much better," Bella said, trying to smile, "about being close to humans."

"Thank you," Jasper said. "But it doesn't get easier, it just becomes habit. Denial. Once I realized it was the same old song, I got into line."

For a second Bella thought she must have offended him again but then he returned her smile, this one infused with more warmth than his usual polite courtier's smile. "I'll be glad when you're turned, though."

This statement brought Bella back to more practical matters. "Do you think Edward will really turn me, after the wedding?"

"No."

This response, given without even the dignity of a pause, startled Bella so much that she let go of Jasper's arm.

"No?"

Jasper put his hands in his pocket and leaned against a column of the church. "No, I don't. And don't look at me with those doe eyes. You know it too, or you wouldn't be out here, conversing with the likes of me."

"Edward gave me his word," Bella said. Even to her own ears the words sounded childish and naive.

"He doesn't want you to be like the others. Like me. He wants you as you are."

"But I hate who I am!" Bella snapped. "I want to be like him. I want to go on with him for centuries, not a few years. I'll get old and he'll keep looking like that and it'll look all wrong." She wrinkled her nose, imagining a decrepit Isabella Swan-Cullen toddling along beside her grandson-age husband.

Jasper seemed done with the conversation, his expression closing off. "Well, that's just what I think," he said mildly. "My opinion don't count for much these days."

"Don't say that." Bella tried to modify her tone, more concerned about upsetting Jasper than causing a scene. "You know more than the others, except maybe Carlisle. Now, tell me the truth, have you seriously ever seen it work between a human and a vampire without the vampire turning the other?"

"Don't reckon I have," Jasper said. "But don't ask me what's normal. My head was never right even when I lived with my own kind."

What kind was that? Bella wondered. The human-eating kind? She smiled up at him, feeling more comfortable in her wedding gown than she had all day. The absurdity of the situation did not escape her. Here she was, walking with a centuries-old killer and asking him for marital advice. On another killer.

"You say the saddest things, Jasper," she said. "Maybe that's why people don't talk to you." It was cruel and she instantly regretted saying it, but Jasper did not appear to be hurt. Not that he would reveal to her if he had.

"You asked for the truth," he pointed out.

"I guess I did." Feeling a bit reckless, she took hold of Jasper's arm again, steering as much as she was able in the direction away from the church doors. "I'm not ready yet. Walk with me?"

"Like I said. Anything you want."

"Will Alice miss you?"

"Alice is preoccupied."

That was for sure. You would think it were Alice's wedding and not Bella's, given how upset she got when she saw the roses had a slightly more pinkish hue than originally agreed upon with the florist.

They made their way around the weaving path. It was cloudy, as it always was in Forks, but the flowers were in full bloom and their scent wafted over Bella in drunken waves. "What I want," she said, quietly, "is time. But you can't give me that."

"Girl, all I got is time."

An idea began to form in Bella's brain, terrifying in its simplicity. She would not have thought of it without Jasper. Jasper, who was so dangerously accommodating. His indifference to whether he charmed her or not was strangely refreshing. It left their relationship open to a freer trade than she had with Edward. She and Edward were too insecure to enjoy any exchange without a signed contract. Today was proof enough.

"Will you," Bella licked her lips, half-afraid that to voice it was to lose the opportunity, "will you take me out of here?"

They had stopped walking, having reached the middle of the garden. Jasper looked down at her quizzically, head cocked to the side like a dog at an unfamiliar sound. If he had asked her why or had she lost her mind or any other sensible question Bella would have crumpled immediately. She would have pretended this entire conversation had never took place and that Jasper was as memorable as the shrubbery around her. But he did none of those things and Bella could have hugged him for it.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Anywhere but here." Though hardly believing she was doing this, that she could actually reach _this_ height of selfishness and immaturity, her predominating emotion was one of intense relief. She clutched at Jasper's cuff. "Please. Later, I - I'll tell them something later. Just leave with me. They won't be so mad if you're with me."

Jasper laughed humorlessly. "You don't know much about this family, do you?"

At her look of bleak despair he stopped laughing. "All right." He ran his fingers through his hair, making it even more untidy. He looked like Edward Scissorhands' lost twin. "They won't be very surprised that I've abducted you."

"I'll explain it to them," Bella said, allowing Jasper to guide her towards the gated exit. "I coerced you."

Jasper snorted. "With what, your feminine wiles?"

A bit stung, Bella cried indignantly, "I have wiles!"

"You're eighteen."

"So?"

"So I don't care for children."

Fuming silently, it was only when they were clear of the church that Bella realized Jasper might have made his comments for the sole purpose of distracting her. She clung to his sleeves as he escorted her to a nearby car.

With each step the band around her chest loosened. She shouldn't have consented to a church wedding, anyway. Her father was too angry at God to care, her mother too liberal, and Edward… well, Bella had no idea what his opinions were on such matters. Bella didn't think about God enough to have any independent thought of her own about it. Shouldn't she have come to these conclusions _before_ having consented to be Edward's wife? At the time it had all seemed terribly romantic. Now, with her imagination taking her further than the altar, it just seemed stupid. The kind of thing kids do.

"Everyone will be worried," she said, biting her lip.

Jasper opened the door for her, his face blank. "I'm more worried about you. Seen girls get married to men that were all wrong for them, and it never did anybody no good."

Bella ducked her head and slipped into the seat. Jasper's car was nondescript and she could not tell what make or model it was. Smart, Bella thought. If you were a vampire not wanting to call attention to yourself. Which any self-respecting vampire would not. Anonymity had and always would be her friend.

Jasper climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. Always braced for her truck's fanfare of coughs and sputters, Jasper's car of course made no such noises.

She did not watch as they pulled out of sight of the church but kept her eyes straight ahead, her fingers clasped in her lap. It was only then that she realized she was still wearing her wedding gown. God, could she be more dramatic?

"Thank you," she whispered. It was all she managed to get out before the tears started. Jasper said nothing. If he made any attempt to lessen Bella's anguish, she couldn't feel it.


	2. Chapter 2

As Jasper drove further away from the church Bella's spirit rose and fell with each passing thought. She was free, free! But she was doing it in the worst way possible. How could she have just _left_ like that? Was she destined to wander forever? She had felt like this before. Never quite right in Phoenix or Forks, never a home of her own. And oh, Edward. He would be so hurt. Whatever their problems he didn't deserve this, didn't deserve _her._ But then Bella already knew that.

She didn't realize she was clutching the armrest until Jasper touched her. Just a whisper-thread of fingertips down her arm, as if he wasn't any more accustomed to giving reassurance than Bella was in receiving it.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled, blinking back tears.

"I wasn't -" Jasper put both hands back on the steering wheel. "You're fine."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Bella kept darting her eyes to the speedometer. Jasper was hardly going at a getaway speed, maybe two miles over the speed limit, max. Edward always speeded, which was a bit exciting, if Bella was honest with herself, especially knowing that with his vampiric senses he was unlikely to be putting her in harm's way. Jasper was either disinclined towards a career in the Daytona 500 or else he thought Bella too fragile a soul to enjoy riding in fast cars with boys.

She hated to admit it but, given the circumstances, she appreciated this slower pace. It gave her time to fully appreciate her actions. And she was horrified by them. What was she _doing_? How would she ever convince Edward that she was 'mature' enough to be a vampire if she couldn't commit to him as his wife? Didn't she want to be with him forever, in whatever form that took?

That voice, insistent, doubtful, and unafraid of hard truths, niggled at the back of her mind attempting to answer. But it was not the answer Bella wanted to hear and she tore her thoughts away from her inner turmoil and turned to Jasper. Each mile was taking her further and further from the life she wanted. Whatever doubts she had about Edward, she knew she would not find them out in the world, but inside Forks.

"Stop the car," she said. Jasper looked at her quizzically, but his foot was already easing off the gas pedal.

"We need to go back. I can't believe I'm doing this!" She almost let loose a torrent of accusation at Jasper. How could he have _let_ this happen? Wasn't he supposed to be a voice of reason? He was almost two centuries old!

"Go back?" Jasper said, slowing the car even more.

"Y-yes," Bella said. Whatever she lacked in conviction would have to be made up for in repetitiveness. "Yes, you have to take me back. I know I'm acting crazy -"

Jasper said nothing as he pulled to the side of the road. The car hummed silently in wait. Bella placed a hand over her chest, her heart thumping in sick lurches. She was grateful she had been too nervous this morning to eat or else she was sure she would have thrown up by now.

"I'll take you back," he said, "if you want."

"You will?" Bella said, unsure why she sounded so surprised. Maybe because Jasper acted so _un_ surprised by her erratic behavior. Maybe he just assumed all humans made no sense. After all, Jasper wasn't _really_ kidnapping. They were just… making it look like he was.

Jasper nodded. "But -"

 _Of course,_ Bella thought. There was always a stipulation to these exchanges.

"But I need to ask for something first," Jasper said.

Bella quelled her nervous fidgeting. She glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard. 12:04 p.m. The service was supposed to start at 12:15. There was still time to get back if she didn't have to endure a long diatribe.

"What?" she asked distractedly. Her mind buzzed, wondering if anybody had noticed her gone yet. If anybody asked she could say she had just stepped out to collect herself. That was true enough. Or blame Jasper, which was also true, but unfair. A vicious part of her chimed in that nobody would doubt her word against Jasper's, who, while not exactly mistrusted, was rarely left to his own devices for long. His absence had probably already been remarked upon. All the more reason to get back now if they wanted to avoid detection.

"Will you promise you won't hold this against me? For seeing you like this?"

Bella stared at him. "Jasper…"

"It's just that I value our friendship, such at is, and would like it to continue," Jasper said a little quickly. He was not quite looking at her. "I hope I don't presume in saying that." This was said flatly, as if he believed he had indeed presumed, and was not terribly optimistic about Bella's reception to it.

Several seconds ticked by before Bella realized she was just gaping at him and snapped out of it. "Of course we're friends!" she said. She had not been at all prepared for such a declaration from Jasper and was surprised at her own enthusiasm for the idea.

Jasper's shoulders relaxed slightly from their tense pose. "That's good," he said, a little warily as if not quite believing her yet.

Wanting him to know her sincerity, Bella reached out and covered her hand over one of Jasper's clenched fists. "We are," she said, firmly. "And I won't hold this against you." Knowing the shape her thoughts had been taking mere seconds before, she hoped Jasper took her guilt as simply more distress at the day's proceedings.

Jasper gave her one of his plaster smiles and pulled his hand away from hers. "I'll take you back now, then," he said. "If you - if you're sure." He posed it as a question, and Bella suspected Jasper was not entirely confident in Bella's ability to make momentous life decisions right now, but he would, whatever she said, do as he had promised. For a moment the responsibility weighed too heavily on Bella and she half-wished Jasper would simply ignore her insistence to turn around, and keep driving.

But then Jasper would not be Jasper. He was too malleable in the face of stronger emotions than his own, and Bella's were running at high speed. Perhaps, she mused, after having known so much of death and destruction, he did not want to fight with anyone. This tendency in him made him easily manipulated, despite Bella knowing he was smarter than her.

And with that thought the guilt came back, taking a new shape as she acknowledged that there was probably some truth in Jasper's perception of himself as the weakest member of the Cullen clan. Everything that had made him an asset during the vampire wars was looked on with revulsion during these more peaceful times. Bella would have touched him again if she had thought he would welcome it. She feared he would mistake her sympathy as pity.

She knew nothing of war and doubted becoming a vampire would enlighten her, if she managed to survive the Cullens. So she kept her hands to herself. "Yes, I'm sure," she said, staring straight ahead. "I don't know what got into me."

Jasper turned the car around without further comment. Bella tried to relax but it was impossible, and Jasper made no move to help her. In an effort to distract herself she thought of Jasper's last words. _Friends,_ she thought. The idea appealed to her a great deal. It was soothing to know she would have an ally within the family, someone who might have an inkling of what she was feeling, without judging her for it.

There was a lot of judgment in the Cullen household. Given their lifestyle, maybe there was no other way for them to function but to _be_ judgmental. Control was of the utmost imperative, repressive, self-denying control. Bella admired them for it, but was also a little dismayed at the sheer _unnaturalness_ of their lives.

But if it gave people like Jasper and Edward peace, who was she to question it?

Sometimes, though, she wondered. Edward did not seem particularly content with his lot in life, and seemed to think Bella could be his gateway back to the world of light and life. Bella felt a little sorry for him having chosen her, since she couldn't help but think what it would mean to give her life _up._

All too quickly, the spires of the church came back into view. As Jasper parked again, he said, "I don't think anyone noticed you gone. Nobody feels panicked. Well," he added, "except for Alice. But I think there's something wrong with Emmet's tie."

Bella smiled at Jasper's attempt to joke. "Thank you."

"No problem," Jasper said, no longer looking at her. He jiggled the keys in his hand. "Guess I'll have to think of some other gift for you."

"I don't need a gift. Besides, I know Alice just added your name to whatever crazy thing she got me."

Jasper nodded, looking distracted now. The warm reassurance Bella had received from him earlier felt like a distant memory, and she wondered if Jasper had finally come to his senses and wanted her out of his car. Now that she was back where she should be, however, she was reluctant to leave.

"You should get back inside," Jasper said. "Before someone really does miss you."

"Okay," Bella said meekly. She opened the door and stepped out. Once she reached the gate that led to the courtyard she looked back. Jasper was still in the car, staring down at the keys in his hand.

She hoped he would look at her, but he didn't, and she turned to go inside the church. It was only when her feet made contact with the graveled ground again that she recalled ditching her shoes somewhere. She had gone through this whole crazy episode without her shoes. Typical.

"Oh, jeez," she muttered. Luckily, if she was careful not to lift the hem of her dress too high, she might get away without anyone noticing.

As soon as the opened the heavy wooden door to the church, a blast of warm incense-infused air hit her, along with Alice's voice.

" _There_ you are," she said, descending upon Bella like a giant, brightly-colored insect. For someone so slight she certainly made an impression when she wanted to, and Bella took an involuntary step back. "Just _what_ do you think you were doing outside?" Alice said, waving a fistful of bows in front of Bella's face. "We still have to put up your veil! And now your hair's a mess again." She clucked her tongue and picked and poked at Bella until Bella got moving in the direction she wanted.

"And where is Jasper?" Alice asked almost as an afterthought. "Is he hiding? He does that." She sighed as though her husband were quite beyond salvation. "You would think he'd _like_ a day like today, all the happy faces." She beamed brightly as if to prove her point.

"I think it's overwhelming for him," Bella said. While she may not have Jasper's condition she could say that, being an introvert herself, it was not always pleasant to be around so much laughter and talk. It was _noisy._ And how much more so would it be for Jasper?

"Oh, yes," Alice said absently. "But this isn't an ordinary day. Where is he?"

"Right here," came a soft, slightly drawling voice. Bella spun around with Alice and the happiness that burst inside of her briefly eliminated her worry. Seeing Jasper standing there, like nothing had gone awry in the last thirty minutes, reassured her that not everyone was a disappointment in her life. It was so silly, having seen him only minutes ago, and she would have been ashamed to admit how powerful her reaction to Jasper's presence was in that moment.

 _You're like a tentacle monster,_ she scolded herself. _Always latching on to the first person you see with a backbone._

But there was no denying that Jasper was a very good sight to see.

He betrayed nothing in either look or gesture. Something told Bella he had played this game before and he smoothly explained his absence. It was mostly the truth, he simply omitted Bella's presence from it.

"Lots going on here, I'd just be in the way," Jasper said.

"Yes, well, that's the same excuse I'm hearing from the bride," Alice sniffed. She threw a reproving look at Bella while tucking a wayward strand of Bella's hair behind her ear.

"You're a mess," she said, again, and Bella had no idea if she meant her or Jasper.

"Sorry, Alice," Bella said and held up her hands as if to say _'I'm a hopeless case.'_ She could play up the klutz a little. Considering her track record it wasn't difficult to do.

People were now streaming in at a continuous flow around them. Bella glanced at some but barely registered their faces. They were mostly people she didn't know and had only heard of, the extended surrogate family of the Cullen clan. They all had yellow eyes and briefly Bella wondered what she had gotten herself into. Alice started prodding her in the back towards the dressing room.

"It's unseemly for the bride to be gawked at," she said.

 _Yeah, better wait till I'm front and center,_ Bella thought. Barely resisting the urge, she threw a look over her shoulder at Jasper. He was still standing in the entrance, one hand held behind his back and the other at his side. He bowed a little towards her, his expression neutral. For one wild, fleeting second Bella had the urge to fling Alice off of her and go running back towards Jasper.

This late and there wasn't much Alice could do but wet down the more obstinate hairs that had fallen out of place and stitch up the hem. "You look like you've been running," she said, and was that suspicion in her voice? Bella recalled the lesson in Poe's _The Tell-Tale Heart_ and resolved to keep her mouth shut.

"I was walking in the courtyard," she said.

"You can do that _after_ the ceremony."

Bella doubted it.

All too soon the music wafting through the chambers changed. The color drained from Bella's face, leaving her cold and sweaty. Even without her doubts this would have been hard enough for her to do. So many people watching her.

"You look beautiful," Alice said, kissing her before she lowered the veil over Bella's face. Bella didn't even recall _wanting_ a veil, but she was now grateful for it. Maybe the tradition of the veil had come about so the groom didn't have to see how terrified his soon-to-be wife was. Such a look as Bella's hardly inspired ardor in the male breast.

Bella clutched the bouquet of flowers in her hands. Alice helped her into the entrance again. She could see dimly through the lace many faces in the church, just about make out Edward's waiting at the altar. Oh God, this was really happening.

She almost jumped a foot when her Dad touched her arm.

"Whoa there, Bells," he said like he was calming a nervous filly. "It's okay. Everything will be okay."

"Oh Dad," Bella choked. She clutched the sleeve of his arm. She could smell the cologne he wore, the same stuff Renée had bought him on his first birthday with her. It was an open secret that he still loved Bella's mother and sometimes Bella wondered if Renée even cared, knowing the father of her child still thought about her, still wondered what he'd done wrong. The Swan tribe did not easily let go.

Charlie patted her arm perfunctorily. "You look beautiful," he said.

Bella laughed. "You can't even see me."

"I don't have to," he said. "I know how my daughter looks and she's always beautiful."

Bella's smile faded and her throat closed up. "Thanks, Dad," she whispered, but it was so quiet she wasn't sure he heard.

The music began to rise and so did everyone else as Bella and her father stepped into the chapel. Bella would not remember most of the proceedings after that. She clung to her father's arm, relying on him to keep her up. She recalled Edward's face only in vague outlines. He had been smiling, or so she guessed from his voice. She remembered him taking her hand, slipping on the ring, remembered him agreeing to the marital promise of taking care of her. Bella must have responded in kind but she didn't remember saying the actual words 'I do.'

She must have, because all too soon the formalities were over and Edward was lifting the veil to kiss her. His lips were cool to hers but this part she wasn't sure she actually remembered; her mind might have simply formed a false memory out of prior knowledge of vampire physiology.

Then there was the reception. Bella came back awake dancing with Emmett, who said she looked like a deer in headlights. "That's a funny phrase," he mused out loud, "'deer in headlights.' Who would think of something like that?"

"Humans," she said automatically. "Deer get hit by cars a lot." And with that, everything came back to her in a rush and she almost staggered. She was married. _Married._ To Edward Cullen. She was not sure what part of this reality distressed her more.

She remembered when she was five going with Charlie in the jeep to pick up a felled deer off the road, and had cried the whole way home. She could still remember the deer's eyes, large and so dark and she had known, even then, what death meant. Emptiness. Charlie had not patronized her by saying the deer was asleep and had simply let her cry, which was probably because he hadn't known what else to do but Bella was still grateful for him for having let her do that. Sometimes life was just awful and nobody could make it better.

"Oh," Emmett said, "that's sad."

Bella's laughter was a touch hysterical. From Emmett's face he failed to see the irony in his statement and Bella did not want to cause a moral dilemma within him given his already limited nutritional choices.

She thought she would feel different once she was married - or hoped that she would. As if a ring and some pretty words, along with a legal contract, could make her change how she felt. Or erase the last twenty-four hours of doubt and introspection.

As Bella allowed Emmett to take her around the dance floor, stepping on his feet only twice, she found her eyes roving past the vampire's shoulders in search of a blond head. Instinctively, she looked for the darkest corners of the banquet hall. Failing to find him there she looked around at her fellow dancers; but Alice was dancing with Charlie, and flattering him beyond his wit's end by the looks of it. Rosalie had her arms crossed near the punch bowl and looked so bored that death could not come quick enough. She would probably extract Emmett from Bella soon and maybe then Bella could get a minute alone to herself. Where was Edward?

She ought to have thought of her husband first. Her _husband_! That was going to take some getting used to.

But she could locate neither Edward nor Jasper and everyone seemed to be in a competition of who could dance with the bride next, including Alice.

"Aren't you so happy?" Alice said, slipping her arm around Bella's waist and shoving a prospective Denali candidate none too gently.

"I think I will be," Bella said.

"Oh you will!" Alice tapped her nose knowledgeably. "I have _foreseen_."

That was reassuring. Except Alice's visions were not always correct. The future was constantly in motion, and Alice admitted herself that each person's actions could change it. But it was just the sort of thing Bella needed to hear right now.

"Will I really be happy?" Bella said.

"Of course! I would know that even if I hadn't seen it." Alice's bright, wide eyes clouded for a second, like a solar eclipse, but then she shook her head and smiled. "You're very complex."

"What does that mean?" Bella said, who had heard this before and was thoroughly weary of the accusation. She was just quiet, that's all.

"You remind me of Edward," she said. "He's moody and rude and takes himself way too seriously, but once you get to know him you can't help but love him."

Bella managed a crooked smile. There was a time she would have considered being compared to Edward as the height of flattery. Now it sort of disturbed her.

"It drives him crazy that he can't read your mind," Alice said in a conspiratorial tone, sounding delighted. "He relies too much on that gift. It makes him forget that there are other ways of knowing what a woman is thinking."

"There's nothing that exciting going on in my head, anyway," Bella said. She wasn't being modest, she couldn't fathom why someone like Edward was that interested in her. Was it really only that she was an anomaly? A _novelty_?

"You can still see my future, though," Bella said. "And -" She stopped short of mentioning Jasper's name but Alice caught the thread of her thought. She may have already discussed these matters with Jasper, after all. It was hardly a secret within the Cullen family by now.

"And Jasper has influence, too. I don't get that either," Alice said, shrugging. "Maybe _we_ are your _real_ soul mates!" She gave a musical laugh that made Bella think of Tinkerbell and then hugged Bella around the middle. "We're real and truly sisters now. I'm so glad."

"That's good," Bella said, and she sounded just as wary as Jasper had when he said it. It was the sort of response you said when you had nothing else to say, or meant just the opposite of what was intended. Jasper probably did that a lot, she thought, conform his opinion to the majority. That was a form of control, too. Or, of deflection. It was so hard to tell with the other vampire. Half of his actions seemed motivated by fear and the other half of some unfathomable inner workings of Jasper's mind.

Somehow, though, when she considered Jasper's attempts to bring order to his world, it did not inspire the same levels of resentment or head butting that occurred when Edward tried to direct Bella's life. That wasn't very fair of her.

 _Who cares about fair? You don't have to live with Jasper the rest of your life._

Bella bit her lip. "Thanks for doing so much for me," she said.

Alice turned yellow eyes up to her, slightly uncomprehending. "Don't be silly. Did you hear what I just said? You're my sister."

"I think I need to sit down for a while," Bella said, beginning to extract herself from Alice.

"Oh, okay," Alice said. She stood motionless for a second, arms akimbo, and then sprang back into action like a windup toy. "I'll get you some champagne. That'll perk you up."

Bella wasn't much of drinker. She'd drank exactly twice in her life. Once, when she was eight, and Charlie let her have a sip of his PBR. A judicious action which effectively quelled any budding aspirations to alcohol consumption for the next decade. And she'd nursed a Heineken at La Push when her friends had invited her to a beach party. Everyone but her and Mike had ended up in sandy makeout sessions and Bella had left early before Mike got ideas.

But a drink sounded good right now. She sat down in a chair swathed with gauzy fabric and stared at one of the tea lights. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Edward excuse himself from a group of grim-looking vampires from Belarus and head towards her. Bella let out a shaky breath and straightened in her chair.

"Tired?" Edward said, handing her the glass in his hand.

"Alice is getting me a drink," Bella said, but she took Edward's. "What is it?" She sniffed it.

"Just water."

"Oh." She set it on the table. "I'm feeling like something stronger right now."

"Well, don't get too tipsy tonight."

"I won't," Bella promised. "I'm a lightweight."

"Exactly my point."

He sat down next to her and together they watched the elegant motions of vampires whirling and twirling around them. Bella's heart skipped a beat when she spotted Jasper dancing with a moon-faced girl in a midnight-blue cocktail dress. The girl was laughing at something he had said and throwing her head back in a coquettish way that made Bella arch an eyebrow. _Really_ , now. Laying it on a bit thick, wasn't she?

Jasper looked okay. Well, 'okay' in the sense that he looked like his normal self. A combination of the wild and the rehearsed. Being of a generation that considered dancing to be a lot of simulated sex acts with your clothes on, Bella thought the more elegant, formal way in which Jasper danced, slightly outdated but requiring actual skill, was far more enjoyable to watch.

Edward said something next to her. "What?" she said, turning back to him.

"I said Jasper is charming the pants off that Denali girl."

"She's wearing a dress."

Edward smirked at her. "Very funny." His eyes tracked Jasper and the girl across the dance floor. "He's been acting strange lately," he said, his smile fading into a contemplative frown. "Distracted. I think it's good we're graduating. High school was maybe too much teenage hormones for him."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Bella said, her tone coming out sharp. "He can't control it, you know. Maybe it _is_ too much for him to handle all at once." Her hands balled into fists, crushing the fabric of her dress. "Even humans can't handle it sometimes," she muttered, more to herself this time than Edward.

Edward lifted his eyes to her in surprise. "I didn't mean anything by it," he said. His tone was mild and confused, and it made Bella feel despicable.

She sighed. "I just don't think it's right to make fun of him. He's not had as much time to practice being around humans."

"I know."

They went back to their mutual default of silence. Bella twisted a loose thread around her finger, pulling it taut so that it began to cut circulation off at the tip. "Sorry I snapped at you," she said. "I think I'm just tired." _And where was Alice with that drink?_

Edward nodded as if he understood when they both knew perfectly well he didn't. He probably could not even recall the time during his life when he had felt tired.

Bella went back to watching Jasper and the Denali girl. She had a sort of exotic look about her, a ballerina's slender lines and long, flowing dark hair. She was almost as tall as him. Alice, having been waylaid by a vampire with dreadlocks, didn't appear perturbed. It must be nice to have such security in your partner. Bella couldn't say she would have behaved as blithely if some hot little number had started giggling at Edward's jokes.

Maybe Jasper was influencing the other girl. How much power did he have, anyway? If he wanted to, he could probably send the whole wedding party into an orgy that would make even the Romans blush. Or break it up, make everyone leave.

She thought about what Jasper had said in the courtyard. How insane it must be to live that way? Feeling everyone's emotions, never being quite sure if what you felt yourself was truly _yours._ From the cryptic comments Alice had made concerning their relationship Bella had been led to believe that Jasper was something of a mess when Alice found him. Like a crazy unwashed hermit, only without the dignity of prophetic visions or divine purpose.

Then Bella started musing at how Jasper had even been able to sustain himself for all those years. Killing people, and feeling their deaths. Not everyone would have been able to do that, if they had woken up as immortals with such a 'gift.' They would have wasted away, unable to tolerate the pain. Jasper really was a killer. Somehow that fact came as a surprise, just like it had at her birthday party.

Bella sat up straighter in her seat. Edward knew, she realized. He would have to. She turned her eyes to Edward and stared at him with such intensity that even Edward noticed. "What?" he said. His brow knit in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said automatically. "I was just thinking about my new family."

 _About how all of you are ticking time bombs._ She broke the thread wrapped around her finger and unclenched her hands. They were stiff, she had been holding them so tightly. "Are you happy?" she asked Edward.

He blinked and for a moment there was nothing but ringing silence between them. Then he reached over and took one of her clammy hands, his expression reassuring. "I've never been so happy in my life."

Bella could not muster a similar sentiment in return and looked away. What kind of vampire would she make? Would she be strong? The way it worked, it seemed to simply enhance what was already inside of you. What was inside of her that was worthy of immortalizing?

She squeezed her hand inside Edward's. "It'll be nice when I'm like you. Then I think it will feel more real to me. Real eternity."

Edward's expression clouded and he withdrew his hand. "Yes," he said. "I suppose."

Bella did not realize she had been testing Edward until he failed.

She turned her gaze back to the dance floor. Rosalie and Emmett were showing off in the middle of the room. Bella could not say she much cared for Rosalie even now, but had to admit Emmett was good for her. He seemed to get her on a level that no one else did and let the other stuff, her cattiness, her bitterness - all fluff to him, it seemed - roll off his back.

Carlisle and Esme had a quieter sort of love. Intense and yet sweet. Bella imagined they were surprising when they were alone together.

And Jasper and Alice. Jasper was always such a gentleman to Alice. The Southern thing, Bella supposed. Alice was so accepting, willing to give not only someone like Jasper a chance but Bella, too. Jasper needed Alice and Bella knew this because she needed Alice. Bella was old enough to know needing someone and wanting them were not the same thing.

"We should dance," Edward said.

"Okay," Bella said, finding it the course of least resistance. She let him guide her out onto the floor and spin her around. It was fun because he moved so fast she didn't really have to do anything, her (still) bare feet skimming the marble floor. They were probably filthy by now, but who cared. She could worry about being perfect when she was turned.

She tipped her head back and stared at the swirling chandelier lights above her. It was her fault she had said yes to Edward, desperate as she had been not to lose him. She had made her bed and now she must lie in it. Besides, being married to Edward Cullen wasn't going to be hell. Maybe their love wasn't cosmic after all. Maybe real love didn't have anything to do with tragedy plays or melodramatic declarations of undying devotion while holding a loaded gun at your head.

If this was the first stage in maturity Bella could just as soon do without it. As she spun in the air, lost in the swirling colors of the painted ceiling, she asked herself what she _really_ wanted. But this time the logical voice inside of her was silent.


	3. Chapter 3

It was well past midnight but nobody looked to be slowing down. At least not anyone over one hundred. Charlie had been escorted home by two considerate immortals; and Bella's mother, who was usually the last one standing when it came to any party, had begun fading after her sixth cup of spiked punch and needed help from Phil to leave the hall with her dignity in tact.

Bella was glad her parents were able to come together for their daughter's wedding, but it was always a little awkward to have them under the same roof. She usually spent that time flitting from one to the other and worrying about if she was distributing her attention evenly. Though she couldn't imagine how such two dissimilar people ever got together long enough to create her, she did sometimes wish for a more traditional household. She was, at heart, a bit of a prude and old-fashioned, or so she had thought until she met Edward.

As the last human standing, Bella did not know how she was managing to stay upright under her own power. Though she had resisted all efforts at bridal formalities, somehow she had caught the bug Rosalie and Alice had, and felt it was her obligation to be a gracious host. This would not have been so bad if her guests had been of the mortal variety. As people who did not need to sleep, however, it occurred to Bella too late that she may be in over her head when it came to all-nighters.

The phrase _You can sleep when you're dead_ crossed her mind more than once. Somewhere around her third waltz she started operating on autopilot. She danced with Edward, she danced with her father-in-law, she danced with a very tipsy vampire with an accent made incomprehensible by copious amounts of punch. Bella had steered clear of the huge, gleaming bowl in pride of place on the banquet table, filled with suspicious red stuff; it was the only edible substance the vampires had touched.

Bella tried to keep up but for the last half-hour she had ceased to worry about anything except which side of the bed to sleep on. So when a scream shot through the din of celebrators she barely turned her head. She was beyond caring about anyone's drama but her own.

Only when she caught sight of Edward's face did the first inklings of alarm pierce through her fogged brain. Despite her fatigue her mind searched for a word to describe that look, having seen it before. It was Edward and yet… not. She so seldom saw him as anything other than flawless, something more to be worshipped than truly loved. But she had seen that look before and it was Edward at his most unguarded. This was Edward the vampire and Bella was both surprised and unsurprised at how inhuman he truly was.

Then she saw the faces of everyone else in the room and it was very much like being a rabbit in a den of foxes. Everyone had stopped dancing, drinking, smiling. Bella was sitting down and so could not see what had everyone's attention. She climbed on top of her chair to see over the sea of heads and a voice called out, young, girlish, and cold through the sudden still air.

"My compliments to the groom on his new bride," Jane said.

She was of a slight stature and still looked like a child but there were few who could evoke such icy dread in Bella's heart. While no expert on the supernatural, Bella had associated with immortals and shapeshifters alike and lived to tell the tale. Jane, however, with her brother Alec, were altogether different.

Indeed the entire Volturi coven were a bit of an enigma to Bella. Educated, cultured, they acknowledged the arts created by humans and yet could not have had greater disdain for the species that had created it. Yet Carlisle had spent time with them and Aro even now insisted they were friends.

"What are you doing here, Jane?" Edward said, stepping forward.

Jane stopped when she was surrounded by the Cullens, surveying the crowd unconcerned.

"This is a private party," Emmett said.

"We were aware of the upcoming wedding of Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan," Alec said behind his sister. "Our invitations got lost in the mail, I'm sure."

Emmett smirked.

Always a bit more diplomatic, Carlisle said in his soft voice, "I did not know the Volturi were interested in the wedding between my son and his fiancé."

"All matters of discretion concern the Volturi," Jane said, her eyes flashing. She pointed Bella out with one finger. "And _that_ is why we are here."

Bella teetered on her chair. She had one leg on the table and the other balanced on the chair, tipping it forward so she could see over the heads of the crowd. Startled at a hundred pair of yellow eyes fixating on her, she nearly toppled out of sight.

"I can smell her from here," Jane said, her head tilting back to survey Bella. "Her humanity. Was it not understood upon your last departure with Aro that this regrettable state would be remedied?"

Edward opened his mouth to speak but Carlisle smoothly overran him. Bella only noticed because she had come to know the Cullens, and doubted anyone else had taken note of the brief battle of wills. It was a wise move, though; whatever Edward had been going to say would not have improved matters. It was written all over his face.

"It was understood," Carlisle said. "And we still intend to uphold our agreement. But," he swept his arms out to indicate the surrounding guests, "this is a wedding."

His point was simple and reasonable - _this is a wedding, not a funeral._ Had it been Aro he was talking to, the matter would have been settled then and there. Whatever Aro's concerns about vampires revealing themselves to humans, he also had some sense of taste and class.

Bella struggled to unwrap the train of her dress from around her legs. Freeing herself she began running towards the middle of the room. Edward was far too close to Jane for her liking. But a hard, small body propelled into hers, sending her off course.

Wild eyed, Alice grabbed Bella's arm and jerked her around in the opposite direction. "Find Jasper!" she hissed. "We need him. This is bad." She pushed Bella towards the door and Bella tripped in that direction, trying to run.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jane's head turn and then the Cullens closing in around her, creating a wall. Carlisle was still speaking, distracting her. Bella marveled at his ability to stay so cool under pressure. Jane's gift was almost unparalleled and she was not shy in whom she used it on.

Bella started running blindly. The outer chamber was mostly full of coats of rich materials, deep colors like those of royalty, handbags full of money left carelessly on tables or chairs. No concerns about theft here. After all, who would steal from vampires?

She did not know where Jasper could be. After seeing him dance with the Denali girl he had disappeared. Bella bit her lip as she ran, her feet slapping on the stone floor. Technically they were still in the church, but it was attached only by a low-hanging archway and hidden from view of the street by the courtyard and overgrown ivy. Bella darted through the archway and came out on the other side.

Finally she stopped, chest heaving. Her corseted gown was so tight she couldn't get in a proper breath. Frustrated at her own ineptitude she knocked on her temples with her fists, eyes shut tight. _Think, idiot! If I were Jasper where would I want to be?_

It was not hard for her to place herself in Jasper's shoes. He was like her when it came to parties and the answer was simple: _anywhere else._

The courtyard. It was quiet there, any noise from the traffic outside muffled by stone walls and centuries-old moss and overgrown weeds that the caretakers had left to claim. Bella spun around and retraced her steps, feeling blindly along the wall for the rusty gate that led back outside. _The secret garden,_ she thought, although that was one book she had not read.

Fumbling with the hook, Bella opened the gate and entered the maze of shrubs. She tread quickly, kicking up gravel and wet earth. Sure enough, as soon as she got to the middle there was Jasper. The moonlight shone on his light hair and skin, that skin so flawless and smooth; it was one of the vampire's most distinguishing traits. On Jasper there was almost not an inch of him that was not marked or scarred. Did the others think he was ugly?

Even in Bella's distress her mind never stopped wondering. Regardless of the opinions of others, in that moment Jasper could not have been a more welcome sight to Bella's eyes. The tight band around her chest loosened enough that she could get in a good breath at last.

Here was someone capable. Jasper Hale. Soldier. _Warrior._ Someone who could protect them. Why was he always treated like a redheaded stepchild? To prove her own hypocrisy was just as resilient to scrutiny, now here Bella was, running up to him and begging for his help. But there was nothing to be done about that right now. Jasper would save them. Jasper knew how to handle these unpleasant, _uncivilized_ things. Because Jasper was not a civilian.

Due to the angle of the trees, Bella could only see the back of Jasper. He was leaning forwards and it was only as she turned the corner that she got a full view of the scene and it stopped her dead in her tracks. Her mouth fell open and she uttered a faint little "Oh" as if having walked in on him in the bath. But instead of retreating she simply stared.

Jasper was in front of the Denali girl, and they were - _they were kissing!_ At least that was what Bella assumed they were doing. Maybe 'kissing' was too polite a term for what they were doing. Bella's mind could scarcely countenance the reality of what she was seeing in its full detail.

The Denali girl was making noises but Jasper was not. Her leg was angled up around Jasper's waist, the blue dress pushed back so that Bella got a good sight of a long creamy thigh. Bella's face, already red from running, flamed hotter. She could not believe what she was seeing! All time seemed to stop. The reason that had brought her here, all the people waiting, flew right out of her mind. She was locked into place, unable to look away.

Jasper had pushed the girl back into the tree and was holding her up as his hips thrust forward. Bella heard the boughs creaking with each thrust and her mind reeled with the amount of _force_ he must be exerting to do that. The girl did not seem to mind.

Bella held her breath and clutched a low-hanging tree branch for support. She was only feet away but neither Jasper or his partner reacted to a human's presence. She had heard this was possible, that a vampire was occasionally a slave to his senses and ignorant of all else. Though Edward had not dwelled on this aspect of immortal life, Bella suspected this was in fact the core of the Cullens mantra of self-restraint. Only beings of supreme power could be so concerned with such discipline.

The girl kept murmuring things like _harder_ and _yes, right there_ and _so good_ , but Jasper was silent. Eerily silent. It was as if he were… Bella searched her mind, trying to pinpoint exactly what it was about the scene that so disturbed her. It was more than the shock of seeing Jasper with someone other than Alice. For some reason, this did not surprise her as much as it might have were it, say, Emmett or Rosalie. _Or Edward and yourself_ , her conscience jibed.

No, that was not quite it. Bella placed a palm over her pounding heart, willing it to still before the two heard it. There was something very wrong about what she was watching. She could not see Jasper's face and she wished that she could, sure that had she been able to catch a glimpse of his eyes that all would be made clear. But then maybe not. She had only seen Jasper display one true, honest emotion to her - desire. _Desire to kill._ But it had been _honest_ , and Bella tethered it tightly to what she knew of him, scarce as the facts were.

It was as if… it was almost as if he were not quite _there_. Like he was doing something on autopilot. If the girl noticed anything amiss she wasn't complaining. Her head was thrown back and she kept making these alluring little kittenish noises that had Bella squirming where she stood. She had never sounded like _that_ with Edward.

Jasper sucked on her neck and ran his hands up and down her body. The girl responded as if helpless, enthralled by Jasper's attention.

 _Enthralled,_ Bella thought, recalling her English lessons. _To captivate. To put into slavery._ And then it clicked. That was what he was doing! She jolted at this conclusion. He was doing that thing he did, that he always did. He made people feel what they wanted to feel - at the expense of their own will.

Oh, not that it mattered, really. Bella doubted the other woman needed any help in enjoying what Jasper was doing. Even to her virgin eyes she could tell Jasper was, well, _good_ at this. Someone with experience, a natural expectation when you were almost two hundred years old.

But Jasper took it further. He was enveloping his partner in a hazy bubble of pleasure. She was truly powerless. If Jasper had wanted to he could have killed her right then and she probably would not have even noticed it until she was dead. Or made her his slave, and too happy about it to even wonder if that was right.

If he had wanted to. Which he did not seem to. So what was he getting out of this encounter? Was it just the satisfaction in having so easily manipulated someone? It did not seem like him; but then Bella was assuming many things about him in making that conclusion. For instance, that Jasper reacted solely out of a desire to do good. Such an assumption would have placed him with the saints. If Bella were him, she knew she would probably keep _everyone_ in an idle torpor, simply to make things easier on herself.

But the question still stood. _What was Jasper getting out of it?_ He did not look, to Bella's eyes, as if he were enjoying what he was doing at all. It made her sick to watch.

Snapping out of her reverie, she took a step forward, deliberately loud. The two vampires finally looked up and saw her. Jasper did not appear surprised at her presence and it occurred to Bella that he may have known she was watching the whole time. But that was too horrible a concept to entertain.

Jasper's pupils were dilated and so expanded his eyes appeared almost black, the way Edward's did when he was hungry. Bella instinctively took a step back before standing her ground. There was no time to think about this. It was still Jasper. It was always Jasper and perhaps even more so when he was like this, unrestrained. She was having difficulty remembering this, however, when he started to approach her.

But then he looked at her, really looked. Bella's anxiety rolled off of her in waves. Even if he were drunk he could not have failed to note it. The glazed cast to Jasper's eyes began to lift as he stared at her and his brow knit.

"Has something happened?" he said. "You're shaking."

Bella swallowed and found her voice somewhere in her stomach. "Jane," she rasped. "The Volturi. They came to my - they crashed my wedding!" Out of her fear came a small hard kernel of righteous indignation.

"Please," Bella said. "Please come back with me?" It was more of a question than she intended it to be, but with Jasper she was never sure of anything.

"Shit," Jasper said. Bella had never heard him curse and her ears pricked at the word. She felt like a child, and things had suddenly gotten very serious. Even Jasper was acting like this was a big deal.

Jasper turned to the Denali girl, who was still standing beside the tree, her liquid-ink eyes wide with anxiety. "Go," Jasper said. "Now!" The girl didn't move and Jasper took a menacing step towards her and she snapped out of her fog. She ran towards the exit in a blur of blue and was gone by the time Bella blinked.

Jasper turned on Bella and he looked so large and dark that Bella nearly shrank from him. His yellow eyes had become clear and cold and whatever had just happened, the crazy, hazy fog he had created for himself and the girl, was gone. Bella almost apologized for interrupting him, but that would require admitting to having _seen_ him, and this seemed to be one of those situations where it was tacitly understood by all parties that it had never happened.

But his eyes, Bella thought. They were so different when they looked at her this time. Like someone else was with her entirely.

"You should leave too," Jasper said.

"I can't," Bella said, the idea having not even occurred to her. "Alice sent me to find you. W-we need you."

Jasper nodded as if it were only to be expected but Bella went quiet with guilt. Of course they needed him _now._ And then he could go away again once this unpleasantness was dealt with, like always.

"Come on, then." Jasper strode past her and Bella started puffing to keep up with his longer strides. "Why is she here?"

"I don't know. Because she's mean, I think," Bella said. "She doesn't like us."

"She doesn't like anyone. But this is Aro. None of the Volturi would come here of their own volition. It would be a matter of principle."

"Jane said this was, too," Bella said. _Because of me_ , she did not add. These days every conversation seemed to be about her, and she was thoroughly weary of it. She was really nothing to be made much of. This was not false modesty, it was simply the truth.

Though Bella had vowed not to utter a word of what she had seen in the garden, the next words out of her mouth were "Who was that girl?"

"No one," Jasper said. For a moment there was nothing but the sharp tap of his shoes against tile. Bella would not have dared press for more but then he said, "A distraction."

She did not know what he meant by that and could not ask; they had reached the banquet hall. Jasper slipped in through the door and Bella scurried in after him. She was glad he had not wasted precious minutes in trying to persuade her to ditch everyone to save her own skin. Though she knew she could not sensibly do much to help, she wanted to be there. This was her family. She was very glad her other family - _the humans_ , she thought, _I'm already starting to think of them as 'the humans'_ \- were not here to witness this. If only because it would have inspired inconvenient questions Bella had no answers to.

Once Jasper entered the room Jane's head turned towards him, proving she must have known exactly where Bella was off to. "Oh, good," she said. "I see you went to fetch the guard dog."

Jasper slid through the crowd and came to a stop next to Edward.

"Jasper Whitlock," Alec murmured. "It is a surprise to see _your_ company." He hardly looked as if it were a surprise, and Bella was sure he and Jane had received full intel on the Cullen maneuverings. The Volturi did not just _happen_ to gate-crash wedding parties.

Jasper said nothing. Somewhere in the crowd he had removed his jacket and now stood in his white dress shirt and pants. Bella's heart climbed back into her throat. _Oh no,_ she thought, _oh no oh no._ Alice's words came back to haunt her. _This is bad._ The understatement of the century.

"We thought you would have left by now," Jane said. "There were bets."

Jasper's normally soft, easygoing smile had a sharp edge to it. "Didn't know I was so popular."

"Consider yourself a person of interest," Jane said, her eyes flickering towards Bella's corner. "We find it remarkable that someone with such a weak power has wrought so much damage over the centuries." She appraised Jasper with something akin to respect.

"Oh, I don't got any power," Jasper said, as if Jane were bestowing undue praise. "I just know people."

Bella's mind spun back to the courtyard, to this afternoon when Jasper found her, his smile, the way he stood, so careful. He was being careful now. Bella was afraid for him. She had this crazy urge to call him back to her, as if he were indeed the slur Jane had flung at him. _Come back, come here,_ she wanted to say. _Get away from them. They're poison._ Already they were filling Jasper's head with their words.

"Then you must know why the Cullens would have accepted someone of your…" Alec let the word hang in the air, " _talent_ into their fold." Less verbose than his sister, his expression stayed neutral, his large, dark eyes assessing Jasper from every angle. He looked Jasper up and down and did not seem as impressed with what he found as his sister.

"Somehow I doubt it was quite the fortuitous love match they would have you believe." He glanced at Alice. "It is never quite so convenient as that."

Carlisle stood between Jasper and Edward and Jane and Alec. Bella's eyes searched the crowd for Alice's dark head, and found her standing off to the side. She wore a familiar look on her face, vacant and unfocused, and Bella hurried to her, pushing people away without consideration. The crowd was thinning. Apparently, their guests had deemed this a family affair and were beating a discreet and hasty retreat. Soon, the only people left were the Cullens and Bella. As usual.

 _Cowards,_ Bella flung at them, though logically she knew there was little more they could do than herself. The Volturi were greatly feared and most adhered to their laws blindly. Only certain clans, such as the Cullens, who were strong enough to withstand them, made any fuss over their decrees.

And why _were_ the Cullens so strong? They had Edward, who was like real family to them. Carlisle loved Edward as a true son, that was clear. And they had Alice. But she was loved for her own self, too. Bella could not imagine Emmett and Rosalie and Esme belonging anywhere else than to the Cullen house; they were loyal and they _belonged._

Jasper? Who knew where he came from or where he was going. Bella scarcely recognized the man standing in front of her now. His pose was casual, his hands loose at his sides, and so _unlike_ Jasper's normally rigid, at-attention pose that it immediately set off alarm bells in Bella's head.

Bella was not the praying sort but she prayed now, clasping her hands in front of her chest. Her mother couldn't make up her mind between New Age spiritualism and atheism and so Bella did not have much to drawn upon in the way of religious observance. She simply babbled the first thing that came into her head, hoping some greater power than herself could intervene.

 _Please, oh please! Don't let this happen. Don't make him do this._ Something deep inside of her knew the wrongness of what was happening, and she didn't need Alice's prophetic powers to understand what Alec and Jane were implying.

"State your business here or leave," Carlisle said. "I think we have been more than patient."

Jane frowned at Carlisle and Bella felt a faint trill of fear for her adoptive father. He stood without hostility but quietly, relentlessly implacable. And eventually, perhaps realizing that here was somebody who could not be bullied, Jane acquiesced.

"Aro sent us," she said, shrugging. "He is not confident in Edward's commitment to turn the human Isabella Swan. So we are here." She smiled. "As witnesses."

Carlisle looked faintly exasperated. "Is that all? We have sworn to uphold our word."

Jane made a cutting motion through the air. "Aro wanted to emphasize that he has no doubts about _your_ word. It is your son's that is in doubt."

Through all this Edward remained silent. He wasn't even looking at Jane anymore. Bella willed him to speak up, to finally hear her across the void. It now seemed that, whatever his opinion, she _must_ be turned, or truly lose everything. She could not go on living, knowing as much as she did about the supernatural world. Even to her mind, this was just common sense.

But she doubted Edward saw it in quite the same way. A chilling part of her wondered if he would even be more content with that outcome, her death - as long as she died a 'pure' human. The word, associated with so much frustration and mediocrity, stuck in her like a thorn.

"She must be turned," Jane said, "tonight."

"No," Edward said, finally.

"No?" Jane's brow crinkled in what looked to be genuine confusion. She probably didn't hear that word often. "Did you just say _no_?"

"Bella is not going to die," Edward said, meeting her unwavering look with one to match.

Jane frowned at him. "I wasn't asking."

Bella experienced an almost Alice-like slow motion of occurrences for the next several minutes. She was able to take in many details at once, to sift through them as if they were files and to only retain that which was most critical. She could not have moved if she wanted to. Something kept her in place, fear or morbid fascination, she didn't know.

Jane gazed around at the vacated banquet hall, her fine eyebrows lifting. "Oh dear, it seems the party has ended early. How disappointing."

"Disappointing," her brother echoed. "We have just arrived."

"Somehow, I reckon you two see the end of a lot of parties," Jasper said.

Jane turned her eyes back on him. "I don't like your tone," she said. She took a step closer to him, her white hands swinging lightly at her sides. "I don't like the way you look at me. You're... different. What is it?" She tilted her head, her wide, red eyes penetrating into Jasper's yellow ones.

A lesser man would have backed away, but Jasper stood his ground. And he kept talking.

"Maybe it's the fact that I don't shake just 'cause you say 'boo'. No little Volturi she-witch is gonna dictate terms to me." Jasper smiled into Jane's shocked face. And with a soft, stinging voice, he quoted, " _Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live…_ I'm sure you've heard that one before. Right?"

After that, several things happened at once.

"How dare you," Jane whispered. With the speed of a knife aiming for its target she darted forward. Alec made a motion as if to pull her back but she was too quick for him.

Bearing down on Jasper she employed the full force of her power on him and he went down to his knees. The impact cracked on tile and made Bella flinch and the screams that ensued were nothing compared to the ringing silence that came after. It as if he were cut off in midair, an invisible vice closing around his throat. He froze like that, trapped in a hell of his own mind, with Jane standing over him.

Seconds turned into centuries and Bella felt as if they would all stay like this forever, a macabre tableau. She could do nothing but stare at Jasper, her mouth open. She wanted to scream, to voice her denial, however useless that action would be. But she couldn't even do that.

Then Edward moved. Edward moved and then so did Emmett and Alec could only shout out the warning "Jane!" before a strong hand was clamped over his mouth. Jane turned but by then Rosalie had reached her and shoved her from behind, propelling her forward. She lost her concentration on Jasper and Jasper was released from his torture and fell to the floor, too.

These were the events that Bella's mind were able to record. It was only later that she understood the full synchronicity of the Cullens' actions. But right then all she understood was that Jasper did not move even now that Jane had stopped hurting him and that she was the only person in the room doing nothing. She started to rush over to Jasper but a hard, bullet-like object grabbed her in the same place around her bruising arm. It was Alice again and she shoved Bella in the opposite direction of where she wanted to go. She had similar orders for Bella as last time but this time Bella was less interested in obeying them.

"Go, run!" Alice said. "Wait by my car. I'll come get you."

"What about -" Bella gasped.

"There's no time for that! You have to _run_ , Bella." And then Alice turned to help her father restrain Jane.

For a few seconds Bella gave real thought to ignoring Alice's words. But then reason prevailed. She was useless here. Indeed, she was the _reason_ everyone was fighting now. If she stuck around she would only serve as a distraction and would compromise everyone else's ability to negotiate the situation effectively.

The best thing to do would be to… go wait in the car like she was told. Mouth twisting at her own impotence, she tore herself away from the scene in front of her and ran through the door. Everyone was moving too fast for her to see, anyway.

At least her parents were gone. At least the other guests had gotten out okay. She had to shake her head as she passed through the coat room. Most had not been so distressed by the uninvited guests as to forget their coats. Bella could only imagine what people would talk about when they got home. She was certainly making a reputation for herself.

She hurried over to Alice's Turbo. It was not the same one she had driven in Italy, but it was same model; she had liked it so much she had declared she would never drive anything else for the rest of her life. Jasper had bought it for her.

Were all vampires so rich? Bella climbed into the Turbo, feeling as out of place as a street urchin sitting in a king's throne. Her dress was ruined beyond repair at this point.

The rest of the parking lot was empty. It was mindboggling to know how much was happening inside that little church, and yet you would never know it to look from the outside. Bella pressed her sweaty forehead against the cool glass, breathing out to create a fog on its surface. Every muscle in her body ached. Gazing at the surrounding, dark and curtained windows, she wondered how many _other_ untold nightmares were occurring right at this very moment, and no one knew about it but the inhabitants of those rooms.

They would all be okay, she reassured herself. They were strong. Stronger than her, stronger than anyone she knew. Alice had said she would come for her.

Alice had said she would but come but Alice was not always right. But _this_ time, she was. She had to be. And if not Alice then… Bella tried to follow the wispy thread of her trailing thoughts, but it fluttered away from her reach. Some part of her brain seemed to have decided, for the sake of its own preservation, to simply cease with all concerns. Before Bella knew it, she knew nothing at all.


End file.
